I’m in the process of moving to Florida and it’s been rough. My wife has so many shoes and junk. I have just been throwing it out. I’m going to tell her it got lost in the move.

Anyway, another factor why my wife is a bitch is our joint checking account. This is a total pain in the ass. It creates arguements like you wouldn’t believe.

But I’m about to solve this problem. I’m going to get one of those Walmart Money cards where you can get direct deposit.  It seems every time I get some money deposited in the bank…my bitch wife spends it. Then when I try to spend a penny OF MY MONEY…she bitches. It turns into a fucking nightmare.

So to my bitch wife…THE MONEY YOU MAKE IS YOURS…..THE MONEY I MAKE IS MINE. My wife is a bitch and she cannot handle money. She does not keep a ledger, she loves to go to Walmart or Walgreens and buy useless bullshit that I don’t need like a fucking jar opener or some “as seen on TV” crap.

Reasons not to get a joint checking account with your wife.

• It causes arguments.
• She’ll spend more than you deposit.
• She loves clothes and shoes.
• She’ll buy shit like new curtains every month.
• She’ll buy a 10 dollar starfucks coffee while I drink instant.
• When you go to take out 20 bucks to buy beer, she’ll bitch.
• She’ll know that  you have been to the strip club when “Titty-Mania” shows up on your bank statement.
• She’ll drain the bank account and leave your ass when she chooses.

Now that I”m getting one of these pre-paid walmart cards, I’m going to be able to hide my money. My wife is a bitch and she’ll admit to it, but damn, what’s mine is mine.  I didn’t take a fuckin’ vow to give you all of money and do with it what you want.

What led me to write this is that she woke me up at 4 this morning bitching about money. The money I put into the bank outweighs her deposits and she bitches when she can’t buy her bullshit.

Bitch, you only need one pair of fucking shoes. Leave me alone.

Reasons Not To Get A Joint Banking Account

Too Much Laundry

My wife is a lazy bitch, but you already knew that.

For over a week I have been suffering from sever back pain. I was changing a flat tire on my wife’s car because she’s too lazy to check the tire pressure and I pulled a muscle in my lower back. I don’t have insurance because my bitch wife made me quit my job because I was away from home too much.

Anyway, I thought my back was getting better until my wife want to do a months worth of dirty laundry. That’s right! I’m not kidding. She filled up 5 laundry backs each weighing over 75lbs each. (as much as her one ass cheek.)

I carried the laundry bags to the car and WHAMMO. My back was in pain again.

That’s not all. Not only was my lower back or lumbar hurting, but she dragged me to the laundromat where I sat in a car for 3 damn hours with a sore back. She really pissed me off.

My wife can't keep a house clean

My bitch wife can’t manage money.

Today was the ultimate day. I took my son to football practice, when I came back the electricity was out.

I went down to the basement and checked all the circut breakers and fuses. They all checked out okay.

Then I went back to the house and checked the electric meter. It had a red tag on it.

I never saw a bill or a shut-off notice from the electric company.

When my bitch wife got home from work I asked her where the electric bill was. Then she told me that we had a shut off notice that came in the mail last week. She never told me about it.

I was furious. I went downtown to pay the electric company cash to turn on the lights. I thought I would have to only pay about $150 to get the bill current. To my dismay, the total bill was $239.36. I was even more furious because I only had 180 dollars cash on me.

I tried to talk to the customer service lady at the electric company but she wouldn’t turn the power on unless I PAID THE ENTIRE AMOUNT.

I’m pissed off and furious that my wife can’t manage a penny. If she would have told me about this, I would have paid the bill before the lights got shut off.

Now I tried to explain to her that she should have told me about the disconnection notice, but that turned into a big argument.  She’s a total puta.

I wanted to stuff her mouth with the bill and let her eat it but I have to live there. It’s 89 degrees tonight.

So I took my son to my mom’s house so he can be cool sleeping tonight. I’m on her computer writing this. I’m about to go back home and face this bitch again. I”m sure she’ll be sleeping.

I have to get some flashlight batteries.

BIYOTCH! (As snoop dog would say. )

Nagging Wife

Let’s face it. People are being politically correct in calling a bitch a nagging wife. My wife is a bitch…plain and simple. She does not nag. She bitches. She does not complain. She bitches.

She cooks – she bitches

She cleans  – Bitches.

You know the drill. You don’t have a nagging wife…YOU GOT A BITCH. Face it dude. Your wife is a bitch. She wasn’t that way when you first married you. But now that you said “I do” that gave her a liscense to bitch.

Besides duct-taping her fucking mouth shut and cutting out her voice box. There are some things you can do to stop a nagging wife.

For a lot of men, nagging is comparable to other forms of torture like the rack and being drawn and quartered. Halting your partner’s constant whining is easier than you think. But, if you’re looking for a stress-free existence, simply follow these suggestions. Believe it or not, you do have the power to stop your partner’s nagging.

Agree with the Bitch.

Even if you don’t agree with the bitch,  just say yes. She’ll shut the fuck up in no time. By simply acknowledging the validity of her complaints you’ll be able to buy yourself invaluable time. Granted, the problems won’t be any closer to being resolved, but she’ll be so pleased that you’ve come around to her way of thinking that you’ll temporarily be let off the hook.

Tune the bitch out

When she cranks up the volume of her bitching, crank up the volume on your new sex tape, just like you used to do in college or, better yet, simply zone out altogether. Be forewarned, however, that ignoring the bitch  won’t make the bitch go away. Tuning her out may be a decent short-term solution, but ultimately it’ll infuriate her even more.

Pick your battles with the bitch

Don’t argue about the remote control, ask the bitch where’s my damn beer.

Give deadlines & meet them

You’re watching a match and she won’t stop harping about replacing the light bulbs in the foyer. Just assure her it will be done during halftime or, more specifically, as soon as the game ends – and then do it. In the future, she’ll know there’s no need to nag you because you always come through on your promise.

Hug her & make a move

Next time she kicks her whining into high gear, kiss her affectionately and try to divert her attention. Hey, it works. Over time, she’ll equate nagging with romantic interludes and it’ll work for both of you.

Surprise, surprise

Derail all of her arguments with a sudden and unexpected surprise. Bring her flowers, get her tickets for the opera, do something so romantic and out of character that she’ll suddenly forget all about the nagging.

Just communicate

Maybe over time, you have forgotten how to communicate. The next time she starts nagging you, ask her to take a five-minute time out and consider whether she’s truly angry about your lack of cleanliness or whether there’s a bigger issue at hand. Her nagging about trivial issues might be symptomatic of a larger, more significant problem. Maybe she feels you don’t spend enough time with her.

Turn the tables on her

Nobody’s perfect, so how about turning the tables on her. Whenever she nags about your unhealthy eating habits, tell her that she also has bad habits you’d like to see her quit. Just keep in mind that the self-esteem of most women is extremely fragile.

Show her the alternative

Life is all a matter of perspective. Sure, you may not be perfect, but at least you’re not as bad as your buddies. Show her how lucky she is to have you by inviting your most uncouth friends over for dinner. They’ll set the bar so low, that you’ll be the king in no time.

Take it or leave it

Tell her there are some things in your life she’ll have to accept if she loves you. Given the choice of accepting your faults or losing you altogether, she’ll likely make the decision to stick it out.

Take a break

Taking a break may sound extreme, but you’ll be able to better appreciate the qualities that brought you together in the first place. Remember absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Shape Up

Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths. So maybe, just maybe, there’s actually something at the root of her incessant complaining. Granted, nagging is a horrible way of communicating, but she may just have a valid point. Listen to what she’s saying and see if you can address the issues that concern her most.