Nagging Wife

Australian 'duct tape'.
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Nagging Wife

Let’s face it. People are being politically correct in calling a bitch a nagging wife. My wife is a bitch…plain and simple. She does not nag. She bitches. She does not complain. She bitches.

She cooks – she bitches

She cleans  – Bitches.

You know the drill. You don’t have a nagging wife…YOU GOT A BITCH. Face it dude. Your wife is a bitch. She wasn’t that way when you first married you. But now that you said “I do” that gave her a liscense to bitch.

Besides duct-taping her fucking mouth shut and cutting out her voice box. There are some things you can do to stop a nagging wife.

For a lot of men, nagging is comparable to other forms of torture like the rack and being drawn and quartered. Halting your partner’s constant whining is easier than you think. But, if you’re looking for a stress-free existence, simply follow these suggestions. Believe it or not, you do have the power to stop your partner’s nagging.

Agree with the Bitch.

Even if you don’t agree with the bitch,  just say yes. She’ll shut the fuck up in no time. By simply acknowledging the validity of her complaints you’ll be able to buy yourself invaluable time. Granted, the problems won’t be any closer to being resolved, but she’ll be so pleased that you’ve come around to her way of thinking that you’ll temporarily be let off the hook.

Tune the bitch out

When she cranks up the volume of her bitching, crank up the volume on your new sex tape, just like you used to do in college or, better yet, simply zone out altogether. Be forewarned, however, that ignoring the bitch  won’t make the bitch go away. Tuning her out may be a decent short-term solution, but ultimately it’ll infuriate her even more.

Pick your battles with the bitch

Don’t argue about the remote control, ask the bitch where’s my damn beer.

Give deadlines & meet them

You’re watching a match and she won’t stop harping about replacing the light bulbs in the foyer. Just assure her it will be done during halftime or, more specifically, as soon as the game ends – and then do it. In the future, she’ll know there’s no need to nag you because you always come through on your promise.

Hug her & make a move

Next time she kicks her whining into high gear, kiss her affectionately and try to divert her attention. Hey, it works. Over time, she’ll equate nagging with romantic interludes and it’ll work for both of you.

Surprise, surprise

Derail all of her arguments with a sudden and unexpected surprise. Bring her flowers, get her tickets for the opera, do something so romantic and out of character that she’ll suddenly forget all about the nagging.

Just communicate

Maybe over time, you have forgotten how to communicate. The next time she starts nagging you, ask her to take a five-minute time out and consider whether she’s truly angry about your lack of cleanliness or whether there’s a bigger issue at hand. Her nagging about trivial issues might be symptomatic of a larger, more significant problem. Maybe she feels you don’t spend enough time with her.

Turn the tables on her

Nobody’s perfect, so how about turning the tables on her. Whenever she nags about your unhealthy eating habits, tell her that she also has bad habits you’d like to see her quit. Just keep in mind that the self-esteem of most women is extremely fragile.

Show her the alternative

Life is all a matter of perspective. Sure, you may not be perfect, but at least you’re not as bad as your buddies. Show her how lucky she is to have you by inviting your most uncouth friends over for dinner. They’ll set the bar so low, that you’ll be the king in no time.

Take it or leave it

Tell her there are some things in your life she’ll have to accept if she loves you. Given the choice of accepting your faults or losing you altogether, she’ll likely make the decision to stick it out.

Take a break

Taking a break may sound extreme, but you’ll be able to better appreciate the qualities that brought you together in the first place. Remember absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Shape Up

Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths. So maybe, just maybe, there’s actually something at the root of her incessant complaining. Granted, nagging is a horrible way of communicating, but she may just have a valid point. Listen to what she’s saying and see if you can address the issues that concern her most.

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6 thoughts on “Nagging Wife

  1. guilty guilty guilty

    i despise my wife. I’ve worked my fucking ass off for over a decade to put a goddam roof over our head and i grow to hate my wife more with every passing day. i’m beyond bankrupt and simply waiting to die now. any day, my motherfucking heart is going to give out on me. i have no won to talk to and no one to suport me. i get up every fucking day and work my ass off and she does nothing to help me. i might as well be alone. oh yea i am. i forgot. idiot me.

  2. guilty guilty guilty

    i despise my wife. I\’ve worked my fucking ass off for over a decade to put a goddam roof over our head and i grow to hate my wife more with every passing day. i\’m beyond financial ruin and simply waiting to die now. any day, my fucking heart is going to give out on me. i have no won to talk to and no one to suport me. i get up every fucking day and work my ass off and she does nothing to help me. i might as well be alone. oh yea i am. i forgot. idiot me.

  3. Assgoblin

    My wife never shuts the fuck up. She doesn’t even greet me when I come home anymore. She just launches right into some nagging bossy bullshit as soon as I set foot in the door. Sometimes I wish she would drop dead from some unknown medical reason. I’m not sure if I really mean that or not but I think it all the time. I’m stuck. I don’t make enough money to get divorced and my kids are wonderful. She’s so fucking insane . Conflict surrounds her where ever she goes and she thinks the problem is with everyone else. Even her own family thinks she is a bitch. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t constantly getting bitched at for nothing. I bend over backwards for her and I get treated like I do nothing. There is next to no sex of course. Once every 4 months I bring it up and she tells me not to pressure her. What fucking bullshit. I’m bound by marriage to be faithful but she won’t give
    Me any pussy. It’s humiliating to beg for sex twice per year and if she actually agrees, she then acts like she’s doing me some huge favor. Fuck that shit. She is blind to how she acts. I need to find a way to make more money so I can get the fuck out of this joke of a marriage.

  4. Al

    Yeah, how fucking hard is it to say hello or good morning. Grunting must be the new language. Ooohhh….. you cleaned the ouse for an hour today. Well big fucking deal, I worked 11.5 hours till 2am.

  5. assgoblin

    I’ve decided that staying in this hellish relationship will be worth it, if I can keep my kids from learning the same behavior that she learned from her psychotic mother. This bitchy, irrational behavior that they exhibit is learned. They have these epic fights because their personalities are fucking identical. Have you ever watched 2 irrational bitches have a huge argument? I have to try REALLY hard not to laugh my ass off. Then afterwards I have to try not to piss my pants when my wife starts bitching to me about how crazy her mother is, and how its horrible how her mother talks to her. im sitting there with my jaw on the floor because the shit her mother does to her is the same shit my wife does to me. It’s exactly the same, but my dumbass wife can’t connect the dots in her head.

    She is a real piece of work. she complains about my weight under the guise that she’s “concerned for my health”. What a joke. I used to be a gym rat when I was in my 20′s. I was in great shape. Im naturally a bigger guy. I admit after we met I lost the desire to go and gained weight. This happened before we were married. She married me at my present weight. Im a big dude but I’m not bedridden for christs sake. I have a job where I am on my feet all day, I played softball up until last year. She complains and complains about it in a bitchy way of course because that is the only way she knows how to express her feelings. She makes me feel shitty about myself until I go back to the gym. Here is the pattern: wife complains about my weight. I get tired of listening to her shit and go back to the gym. I start losing weight and muscle-ing up just like the old days. I get really into the gym and feeling good about myself again. Wife sees a change in my body and confidence and starts complaining that I spend too much time at the gym (you would think this would make her happy). Wife doesn’t understand that getting in shape takes TIME AND WORK. I get sick of listening to her shit and spend less time at the gym. I start falling into a pattern of going inconsistantly until eventually I stop all together. I lose muscle and gain weight back. Wife starts complaining about my weight…See the pattern? im not saying that its entirely her fault. she isnt forcing me to over eat but It turns into me only being able to go to the gym when it is convenient for her. (God forbid she should have to be alone with the kids for 2 whole hours on the weekends. Oh my god she may actually have to lift a finger.) So I can never go when I have the most energy and will have the best workout (which on the weekends is 10am). I end up having to go at like 6am which is bullshit or at 8pm when the kids are in bed. What a bitch. It’s sabotage. I only get to go when im tired as fuck. I have shitty workouts, get frustrated and start going less and less until I eventually don’t go at all.

    It’s like she wants me to be in good enough shape so she wont puke the 1 or 2 times per year we fuck, but out of shape enough so no one else will look at me. I also think she cant stand me feeling good about myself because it causes her to examine herself, and she notices how much weight she has gained. (I never bring that up by the way because I hate it so much when she does it to me. All I say to her is ‘if you feel bad about how you look then start taking small steps to chang a few things that you think are contributing to your current appearance’) That’s the kicker to the whole situation. Shes ragging on me about my weight but she has gained weight too. Her ass has easily tripled in size since we met. It’s starting to look like one of those dumpy mom asses you see around the food court at the mall. Yet she has the nerve to ridicule me. She is fucking insane. I am 35 years old and I need to make a change.

    My plan is this: After the holidays I am making an appointment with a doctor to get my testosterone levels checked. I guarantee it is too low. I have spoken to guys who are getting testosterone injections who are my age due to low levels. They say they feel ten years younger, have tons of energy, and the weight just falls off of them. Maybe then i will have the energy to go to the gym on her rediculous schedule and make a real change. I would love to get in serious shape again like I used to be despite her best efforts to fucking control everything I do. Once I start getting that under control then I can start looking for a better paying job. People will hire a person that is in shape before they will hire a fatty boom-balatti. Its just how shit works unfortuantely. I need to improve everything else that is going on with me before I can deal with the bitch.

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