My Wife Is A Bitch

Nagging Wife

Let’s face it. People are being politically correct in calling a bitch a nagging wife. My wife is a bitch…plain and simple. She does not nag. She bitches. She does not complain. She bitches.

She cooks – she bitches

She cleans  – Bitches.

You know the drill. You don’t have a nagging wife…YOU GOT A BITCH. Face it dude. Your wife is a bitch. She wasn’t that way when you first married you. But now that you said “I do” that gave her a liscense to bitch.

Besides duct-taping her fucking mouth shut and cutting out her voice box. There are some things you can do to stop a nagging wife.

For a lot of men, nagging is comparable to other forms of torture like the rack and being drawn and quartered. Halting your partner’s constant whining is easier than you think. But, if you’re looking for a stress-free existence, simply follow these suggestions. Believe it or not, you do have the power to stop your partner’s nagging.

Agree with the Bitch.

Even if you don’t agree with the bitch,  just say yes. She’ll shut the fuck up in no time. By simply acknowledging the validity of her complaints you’ll be able to buy yourself invaluable time. Granted, the problems won’t be any closer to being resolved, but she’ll be so pleased that you’ve come around to her way of thinking that you’ll temporarily be let off the hook.

Tune the bitch out

When she cranks up the volume of her bitching, crank up the volume on your new sex tape, just like you used to do in college or, better yet, simply zone out altogether. Be forewarned, however, that ignoring the bitch  won’t make the bitch go away. Tuning her out may be a decent short-term solution, but ultimately it’ll infuriate her even more.

Pick your battles with the bitch

Don’t argue about the remote control, ask the bitch where’s my damn beer.

Give deadlines & meet them

You’re watching a match and she won’t stop harping about replacing the light bulbs in the foyer. Just assure her it will be done during halftime or, more specifically, as soon as the game ends – and then do it. In the future, she’ll know there’s no need to nag you because you always come through on your promise.

Hug her & make a move

Next time she kicks her whining into high gear, kiss her affectionately and try to divert her attention. Hey, it works. Over time, she’ll equate nagging with romantic interludes and it’ll work for both of you.

Surprise, surprise

Derail all of her arguments with a sudden and unexpected surprise. Bring her flowers, get her tickets for the opera, do something so romantic and out of character that she’ll suddenly forget all about the nagging.

Just communicate

Maybe over time, you have forgotten how to communicate. The next time she starts nagging you, ask her to take a five-minute time out and consider whether she’s truly angry about your lack of cleanliness or whether there’s a bigger issue at hand. Her nagging about trivial issues might be symptomatic of a larger, more significant problem. Maybe she feels you don’t spend enough time with her.

Turn the tables on her

Nobody’s perfect, so how about turning the tables on her. Whenever she nags about your unhealthy eating habits, tell her that she also has bad habits you’d like to see her quit. Just keep in mind that the self-esteem of most women is extremely fragile.

Show her the alternative

Life is all a matter of perspective. Sure, you may not be perfect, but at least you’re not as bad as your buddies. Show her how lucky she is to have you by inviting your most uncouth friends over for dinner. They’ll set the bar so low, that you’ll be the king in no time.

Take it or leave it

Tell her there are some things in your life she’ll have to accept if she loves you. Given the choice of accepting your faults or losing you altogether, she’ll likely make the decision to stick it out.

Take a break

Taking a break may sound extreme, but you’ll be able to better appreciate the qualities that brought you together in the first place. Remember absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Shape Up

Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths. So maybe, just maybe, there’s actually something at the root of her incessant complaining. Granted, nagging is a horrible way of communicating, but she may just have a valid point. Listen to what she’s saying and see if you can address the issues that concern her most.