But I wanted to say that your comments are amazing. Most of the time when your wife is a bitch, you feel like the only one in the world with a wife that has a mouth that won’t shut the fuck up.  Then I would head to a bar drink a few beers and start to look at other broads.

But your comments make me feel that shit isn’t that bad. Some of you guys have it worse than me.  So this little tidbit is to thank you all for your comments.

I’m going to keep writing. Cuz shit happens and I need to let it all out here.

So for now, Thank you. I’m going to get drunk this weekend and just let it all out here.

This weekend is a toast to all the guys that have bitch wives.

The reason for this move…I got her knocked up and she wanted to be close to her parents. We lived in New York for about a year before we were in housing court 5 times and got evicted. All because my wife is a bitch and didn’t work for over a year.

After we got evicted we moved back to my hometown.

We lived there for 5 years and everything was fine except her bitchy mouth and fucked up lazy ways. Now

I’m in South Florida. We are living with her mother. She wanted to be close to her mom again. WTF????  She didn’t work for almost 3 months since we have lived here. We are going backwards again.

Today, I took off work to go to a doctor to get more anxiety meds. But the doctor turned me away because I didn’t have insurance. I got a job 4 days after I moved to Florida. My insurance wont’ kick in until the end of the month.

The only reason I’m on anti anxiety meds is because my wife is a bitch and I got to medicate in order to meditate.

Once I save enough money. I’m going to leave the bitch. I’m sick of going backwards, living house to house and getting nowhere in life.

I can’t get ahead in life.

To top it off…car insurance is higher and it’s almost 400 bucks to register a car if you are from out of state. WTF How am I suppose to get ahead in life with this bitch. She’s dragging me down.

I’d leave her but she would get me for child support and alimony/palimony and all-my-mony….

Is it cheaper to keep her?  Or should I leave this fucking bitch???

So because she is a good mother to our son, I gave her cash because she’s picky and everything I buy for her…she returns.

We’ll about an hour ago we got into an arguement. She said giving her money is not a gift. I told her she could buy all she wants with the money. She threw the money in my face and left.

See… she hasn’t worked since we moved to Florida. I got a job in 4 days of being here. But because this bitch is so picky she still hasn’t worked she withdrew her 401k from her last job and bought a car she can’t afford to register. It’s costly to get plates on a car in Florida.

Anyway she said the money I gave her was for the plates and not a gift. That’s bullshit. I work 3 jobs to support this family. I don’t expect anything in return but peace and quiet and some respect.

Well now I have had it. My wife is truely a bitch.

When a broad says she doesen’t anything…don’t get her shit. Watch her complain when she really does’nt get anything. Insane.

So guess what honey? I’m taking the money you threw at me and I’m going to blow it at the casino. I might use it to move the hell out and get a broad that knows when to shut the fuck up.

Why should I get her anything? She’s not my mother anyway.

I’m in the process of moving to Florida and it’s been rough. My wife has so many shoes and junk. I have just been throwing it out. I’m going to tell her it got lost in the move.

Anyway, another factor why my wife is a bitch is our joint checking account. This is a total pain in the ass. It creates arguements like you wouldn’t believe.

But I’m about to solve this problem. I’m going to get one of those Walmart Money cards where you can get direct deposit.  It seems every time I get some money deposited in the bank…my bitch wife spends it. Then when I try to spend a penny OF MY MONEY…she bitches. It turns into a fucking nightmare.

So to my bitch wife…THE MONEY YOU MAKE IS YOURS…..THE MONEY I MAKE IS MINE. My wife is a bitch and she cannot handle money. She does not keep a ledger, she loves to go to Walmart or Walgreens and buy useless bullshit that I don’t need like a fucking jar opener or some “as seen on TV” crap.

Reasons not to get a joint checking account with your wife.

• It causes arguments.
• She’ll spend more than you deposit.
• She loves clothes and shoes.
• She’ll buy shit like new curtains every month.
• She’ll buy a 10 dollar starfucks coffee while I drink instant.
• When you go to take out 20 bucks to buy beer, she’ll bitch.
• She’ll know that  you have been to the strip club when “Titty-Mania” shows up on your bank statement.
• She’ll drain the bank account and leave your ass when she chooses.

Now that I”m getting one of these pre-paid walmart cards, I’m going to be able to hide my money. My wife is a bitch and she’ll admit to it, but damn, what’s mine is mine.  I didn’t take a fuckin’ vow to give you all of money and do with it what you want.

What led me to write this is that she woke me up at 4 this morning bitching about money. The money I put into the bank outweighs her deposits and she bitches when she can’t buy her bullshit.

Bitch, you only need one pair of fucking shoes. Leave me alone.

Reasons Not To Get A Joint Banking Account

Sorry guys,

Sometimes it’s hard to think when your wife is a bitch.

When my wife comes back from Florida, I make things easier for her by doing some stuff around the house. I cooked, I cleaned, I pampered her.

Pile of Laundry

Well yesterday (Sunday) I asked her to do one simple thing for me. I asked her to go around the house and find my son’s school clothes because I’m having trouble finding them. She says “Ok honey. I’ll look for them.”

Well it’s Monday (Columbus Day) and my son’s school clothes are nowhere to be found.

I asked her to just do one thing. That was it. Simple. Now there is school tomorrow for my son and I have a pile of clothes to wash but none of his school clothes are in the laundry.

WTF?? Can you just do one thing?  I haven’t asked you do anything for a while and when I ask for a simple task, you can’t do it.

Yesterday, I cleaned, cooked, and took care of everything while my wife sat on her ass and played games on Facebook all day.

Pretty annoying and unfair.

I was reading the comments and I had to post this. Pretty funny and incredible.

An Idiot’s Guide to Beating Your Wife

Picture this: It’s 5 o’clock and the whistle blows. Time to go home. You get in your middle-income SUV that your wife insisted you buy instead of that black Mazda RX8 with the sound system and wearily head home. You pull up your driveway, and the garage isn’t spotless. You see oil stains and smell discarded tampons baking in the trashcan beside the heater. Inside, your wife frowns, throws a plate of cold, burnt pork chops and begins bitching at you for leaving your underwear on the floor.

When you were dating, she waited on you hand and foot. You got a blowjob every night, and when you fucked, it was great because she stayed in shape for you. Now, you’re used to flabby, pale thighs and boobs that droop to disgustingly low depths. You’re used to biting your tongue when her sister says something so fucking retarded that your head might explode. You’re her whipping boy, bitch. You’re the modern, real-life version of Kunta Kinte.

You have two choices now. One: sit there and take like it Whitney Houston. Or two: give her an excellent reason to shut the fuck up, clean up the garage, put the kibosh to her goddamned menstrual cycle and give you that pussy like it’s your bowl of Lucky Charms. If you, like myself, have any sort of testosterone in your bloodstream, you realize what needs done. The bitch needs hit.

Sure, some may say that spousal abuse is horrible. That men who “resort to it” are cowards and should be punished to the full extent of the law.

I disagree.

I think that beating your wife should be not only legal, but embraced. I think, also, that it should be lawful to beat other men’s wives, girlfriends, daughters and concubines, when warranted. I also think that nothing proves manliness quite like thrashing things that are weaker than you. Small children, for instance.

So, in this piece I hope I’ll be able to give you a few great techniques of getting the most out of your wife, and even promote the idea that domestic violence is cool.

Let’s get started, shall we?

First, in order to properly thump your wife, you must successfully remove any doubt that what you’re doing is morally wrong. After all, we don’t want you holding back.

Consider these facts…

-Women caused the fall of humanity.
-Women are fickle.
-Women get abortions.
-Women like salad more than meat.
-Hillary Clinton.

And if you need more convincing than that, think about this: For the last 60 plus years, women have been shrieking like banshees for “equal rights.” Yet, they still aren’t eligible for the draft. They still get the majority of sympathy in a courtroom. They still have cleaner, more welcoming public bathrooms than we do (bathrooms including cappuccino machines and full living room sets, provided by Ethan Allen). They have all of the benefits and none of the responsibilities of equal rights.

And it’s not us men who say shit about it; it’s women who vilify spousal abuse. Think about it… who is dubbed “The Most Powerful Woman in America?” Oprah. That’s right. Oprah fucking Winfrey. And if you’d take two seconds to turn on her shitty program, you’d see that all she bitches is about is the “pain” and “anguish” caused by “abusive men.” She actually demonizes guys like you or me. She makes it not okay to beat your wife. I say FUCK YOU, OPRAH.

I mean really guys, do you want to start listening to her, now? Do you want to have to start respecting black women? Do you want, once a month, to read some horrible, hackneyed book about finding your vagina empowering? Do you want to trash all those high-res pictures of a 13-year-old Jennifer Love Hewitt rubbing her beautiful pink pussy? I’m not willing to make that sort of sacrifice. I have a feeling you agree.

If you don’t agree, I’ve got one more piece of straw that might break the camel’s back (ironically allowing you to break your wife’s back with great vehemence). That is, on a more personal level, you may notice these simple facts: Your wife paints her face like a whore. She’s getting fat and her ass looks like an unfortunately-shaped balloon. Hell, the bitch has always been about as intelligent as the majority of Tucker Max’s fans.

Face it buddy, your wife is an inflatable clown dummy. She has no worth to you other than maybe receiving a few kicks to the kidneys every now and then; and yet, the bitch still thinks that you owe her the “respect” of not cleaning out her clock. Well guess what? It’s time to set things straight: you’re the man and she’s the woman. “Wo-” means “lesser than” and I’ll be goddamned if I know a single man out there who does not abide by the basic fundamentals of mathematics.

If she thinks it’s her responsibility to do anything other than cook, clean and conceive your children… if she does anything at all that you feel is unwomanly… then, my good man, it’s time to beat your wife.

First, begin by punching that cunt right in that big, ugly, red nose, and let her fall on her back. Then, casually wait for her to rise. Proceed with the pounding until she’s deflated, emotionally and physically. If she doesn’t rise, kick her in the ribs. Be careful with her ovaries, though. You don’t want your future son to come out looking like Gilbert Gottfried. After all, when you’re too old to beat your whore, you’ll need somebody there so that you may vicariously beat other women. It’s the Circle of Life, and it moves us all.

If your wife has the balls to hit you first, or even try to swing at you, then you should consider her a proverbial buffet for worms. There will be other, less “independent” women out there who will let you fatten their lips with a clean jab to the teeth. There will be other women out there who will let you smack your dick off their eyelids. There will be other women out there who will suck your balls while frying up some chicken. I promise you. Women might think they’re tough, but once you break their spirit, it’s easier than parallel-parking the new Lexus. Or what I like to call “curb-stomping fish in a barrel.”

A few other tips for a fun, flawless beating:

1. Include a list of acceptable excuses for the bruises on the visible parts of her body. Such excuses include, but are not limited to:

“My husband and I have a wild sex life. He hits me and I enjoy it…sexually.”

“I have low iron in my blood… these are from smelling the daisies my husband bought me. I love him and obey everything he says.”

“I incorrectly put the mayo on the ham in his sandwich, and my husband set me straight.”

2. Limit her ability to watch The View, Dateline, Oprah, and other television shows by not subscribing to cable. If you want to watch the game, go to the bar. If your wife bitches, you know what to do.

3. Let her be conscious for awhile. This way, you can say neat things like, “Welcome to the jungle, bitch!” and have her hear it. It may ruin Guns N’ Roses for her, but really, women shouldn’t be listening to Rock n’ Roll music anyways.

4. Make jokes as you punch. For instance…

“Why *PUNCH* don’t women *PUNCH* need umbrellas?” *FLYING KICK*

“Because it doesn’t *TOMBSTONER* rain in the kitchen.”

5. Spit on her.

6. Be arbitrary in what pisses you off. Think of it like this: if you hook an electrode up to one wire on a gerbil’s cage, the little bastard will eventually learn not to touch it. Your wife is similar. If you want to keep beating her, you can’t keep getting pissed off about things like, say, her perfume choice or the fact that a diet product exists in your household. You’ve got to make up new and exciting triggers. Think: old boyfriends or past mistakes. Goldmines.

Or hell, if you don’t need to get pissed off, don’t worry about it. Just smack her around a little.

7. Write your congressman. Get Hillary Clinton out of office.

8. A bag of oranges leaves no bruises. So what’s the fun in that?

9. Think Halo 2: Weapons are fun! A few of my personal favorites are…

-Brass knuckles
-Machetes
-Car batteries with cables
-Car batteries without cables (projectile)
-Books (hardback only)
-Dishes with unsatisfactory food still upon them
-Empty beer bottles
-Two-by-fours
-And the new Nintendo Wii controller

Use your imagination! Cut, bruise, slap and shit on, as you feel appropriate. The possibilities are endless!

10. When all else fails, remember these words: “Float like butterfly, sting like a bee, apologize profusely, so you can knock her out again.”

The End.

Or is it?

It’s the end when I say it is, bitch. Run me my bath water.

Too Much Laundry

My wife is a lazy bitch, but you already knew that.

For over a week I have been suffering from sever back pain. I was changing a flat tire on my wife’s car because she’s too lazy to check the tire pressure and I pulled a muscle in my lower back. I don’t have insurance because my bitch wife made me quit my job because I was away from home too much.

Anyway, I thought my back was getting better until my wife want to do a months worth of dirty laundry. That’s right! I’m not kidding. She filled up 5 laundry backs each weighing over 75lbs each. (as much as her one ass cheek.)

I carried the laundry bags to the car and WHAMMO. My back was in pain again.

That’s not all. Not only was my lower back or lumbar hurting, but she dragged me to the laundromat where I sat in a car for 3 damn hours with a sore back. She really pissed me off.

My wife can't keep a house clean

My bitch wife can’t manage money.

Today was the ultimate day. I took my son to football practice, when I came back the electricity was out.

I went down to the basement and checked all the circut breakers and fuses. They all checked out okay.

Then I went back to the house and checked the electric meter. It had a red tag on it.

I never saw a bill or a shut-off notice from the electric company.

When my bitch wife got home from work I asked her where the electric bill was. Then she told me that we had a shut off notice that came in the mail last week. She never told me about it.

I was furious. I went downtown to pay the electric company cash to turn on the lights. I thought I would have to only pay about $150 to get the bill current. To my dismay, the total bill was $239.36. I was even more furious because I only had 180 dollars cash on me.

I tried to talk to the customer service lady at the electric company but she wouldn’t turn the power on unless I PAID THE ENTIRE AMOUNT.

I’m pissed off and furious that my wife can’t manage a penny. If she would have told me about this, I would have paid the bill before the lights got shut off.

Now I tried to explain to her that she should have told me about the disconnection notice, but that turned into a big argument.  She’s a total puta.

I wanted to stuff her mouth with the bill and let her eat it but I have to live there. It’s 89 degrees tonight.

So I took my son to my mom’s house so he can be cool sleeping tonight. I’m on her computer writing this. I’m about to go back home and face this bitch again. I”m sure she’ll be sleeping.

I have to get some flashlight batteries.

BIYOTCH! (As snoop dog would say. )

Nagging Wife

Let’s face it. People are being politically correct in calling a bitch a nagging wife. My wife is a bitch…plain and simple. She does not nag. She bitches. She does not complain. She bitches.

She cooks – she bitches

She cleans  – Bitches.

You know the drill. You don’t have a nagging wife…YOU GOT A BITCH. Face it dude. Your wife is a bitch. She wasn’t that way when you first married you. But now that you said “I do” that gave her a liscense to bitch.

Besides duct-taping her fucking mouth shut and cutting out her voice box. There are some things you can do to stop a nagging wife.

For a lot of men, nagging is comparable to other forms of torture like the rack and being drawn and quartered. Halting your partner’s constant whining is easier than you think. But, if you’re looking for a stress-free existence, simply follow these suggestions. Believe it or not, you do have the power to stop your partner’s nagging.

Agree with the Bitch.

Even if you don’t agree with the bitch,  just say yes. She’ll shut the fuck up in no time. By simply acknowledging the validity of her complaints you’ll be able to buy yourself invaluable time. Granted, the problems won’t be any closer to being resolved, but she’ll be so pleased that you’ve come around to her way of thinking that you’ll temporarily be let off the hook.

Tune the bitch out

When she cranks up the volume of her bitching, crank up the volume on your new sex tape, just like you used to do in college or, better yet, simply zone out altogether. Be forewarned, however, that ignoring the bitch  won’t make the bitch go away. Tuning her out may be a decent short-term solution, but ultimately it’ll infuriate her even more.

Pick your battles with the bitch

Don’t argue about the remote control, ask the bitch where’s my damn beer.

Give deadlines & meet them

You’re watching a match and she won’t stop harping about replacing the light bulbs in the foyer. Just assure her it will be done during halftime or, more specifically, as soon as the game ends – and then do it. In the future, she’ll know there’s no need to nag you because you always come through on your promise.

Hug her & make a move

Next time she kicks her whining into high gear, kiss her affectionately and try to divert her attention. Hey, it works. Over time, she’ll equate nagging with romantic interludes and it’ll work for both of you.

Surprise, surprise

Derail all of her arguments with a sudden and unexpected surprise. Bring her flowers, get her tickets for the opera, do something so romantic and out of character that she’ll suddenly forget all about the nagging.

Just communicate

Maybe over time, you have forgotten how to communicate. The next time she starts nagging you, ask her to take a five-minute time out and consider whether she’s truly angry about your lack of cleanliness or whether there’s a bigger issue at hand. Her nagging about trivial issues might be symptomatic of a larger, more significant problem. Maybe she feels you don’t spend enough time with her.

Turn the tables on her

Nobody’s perfect, so how about turning the tables on her. Whenever she nags about your unhealthy eating habits, tell her that she also has bad habits you’d like to see her quit. Just keep in mind that the self-esteem of most women is extremely fragile.

Show her the alternative

Life is all a matter of perspective. Sure, you may not be perfect, but at least you’re not as bad as your buddies. Show her how lucky she is to have you by inviting your most uncouth friends over for dinner. They’ll set the bar so low, that you’ll be the king in no time.

Take it or leave it

Tell her there are some things in your life she’ll have to accept if she loves you. Given the choice of accepting your faults or losing you altogether, she’ll likely make the decision to stick it out.

Take a break

Taking a break may sound extreme, but you’ll be able to better appreciate the qualities that brought you together in the first place. Remember absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Shape Up

Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths. So maybe, just maybe, there’s actually something at the root of her incessant complaining. Granted, nagging is a horrible way of communicating, but she may just have a valid point. Listen to what she’s saying and see if you can address the issues that concern her most.